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Today, dead people are two feet farther from the sun.
All this white and the sterile icebox cold
has contracted my lungs and pupils
and replaced the cluttered punctuation in my head
with the sanctuary of winter.

The snow has me using words like magnificent again,
things I never thought would cover
the landscape again.

Today, I woke up with the feeling back in my arms
and my hands were damn near frozen.
I was in need of your hearth and homemade
bread served on a table made of
wood, whose grain is swelling with the heat.

It must be that in the night, some small creatures
found the hatch to my heart,
the levers and controls of my love.

But just the same, I’m starting to thaw
and I’d like you to be there
to stare through panes of glass with me
holistically at the pagan scenery.



.
©2003-2009 ~vain-vacant
:iconvain-vacant:

Author's Comments

it took some snow to wake me up.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconwicked-eve:
i love the snow.
intricately written as par usual sweetie.
i enjoy, adore, love.
:heart:
:iconlivingbyair:
for me, lines like:

whose grain is swelling with the heat.

&

the levers and controls of my love.

could be cut. the first seems to just clutter your thought/image. and the second is just like :slap-in-the-face-we-know-that-already:

but otherwise very VERY good, the second stanzas made me want to stand up and clap.

in fact...i think i will just to amuse my lonely-basement-forsaken-self SO HA!
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
hey poop

--
love so deep, kills you in your sleep
:iconemptyluckystrange:
magnificent indeed...

--
Learning maketh a man fit company for himself - Edward Young
:iconxtape:
the last stanza is perfect. And the first line is nice too.
:iconwildoats:
Skittering into cliche but never got there. The snow image is a little tired or maybe that is because I just read about snow in the last poem I looked at. Either way the first line is impactful and you carry that very well throughout the piece and never let up, so I guess I cannot complain. Nice.

--
A picture, like a human, will speak a thousand words, and never say a goddamn thing.
:iconnihilim:
icebox implies cold, and "the" in the same line seemed unnecessary. The sixth line seemed awkward to me, and that last line was a bit strange. This is just how I see it, of course, and means little to nothing, because I did enjoy this.

--
-i: a.i,=n_
:icon-blackscarling-:
The ending game me a warm tingling feeling, but the second stanza:

The snow has me using words like magnificent again,
things I never thought would cover
the landscape again.


I think you could do with one of the 'again's. Possibly the first one?

Other than that, I think each ending line leads into a nice beginning until the piece is finished as a whole.

--
Look. Pink bunnies.
:icon-blackscarling-:
gave*

--
Look. Pink bunnies.

Details

December 6, 2003
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